Christian Profile Friends Archives Tagboard

You're procrastinating on my thoughts.

Bade, Christian-Joseph.
20th of May.
Year 12. Girraween Selective.
WSS. NSWSRC10. WSSLT10. WSRCAMP10.
Socrates. P-Plater. Catholic

Friend Friend Friend Friend Friend

Design: doughnutcrazy
Images: veer

By post:

1. 365days.
2. hsc assessment - task 1.
3. LOL. i'm going to live up to my melodramatic name.
4. via mr reyonda's tumblr.
5. 9.30pm
6. what i never dared to tell you.
7. thementions.
8. dedicated.
9. missing the state crew.
10. a reading from the hypocritical.

By month:

1. October 2010
2. November 2010

Your tagboard goes in here.

The truth is, every time I begin a post like this; it will take a moment for me to write up what I really think, and to re-read that and to make sure that it fits with what I want people to think of me when they read what I've written. But today, for the first time, I really don't give a shit. I mean, today I just feel that there is no need to backspace, or to hold back from what you really want to say, or how you really feel. Heck, haters will always hate, lovers can learn hate, but the uncertain have the opportunity to meet the real you.

Flashback my life in 365days and swarm of people that have entered my life with in that period; through school, through work, through ex's, through mates, through friends friends. There will only be a certain number of people who enter your life that will remain in it for the rest of it, and its funny because i tend to find that the more intimate I get with anyone, the more likely my time with them will end quicker. So in the end, why make it so intimate? Or why get so close?

No one likes to get hurt. No one wants to wake up alone one day and be like, "shit? What I am doing here?" And I don't think its something I want to feel. Which is why, I've got involved in what I have. I don't know what name its given me, a player, a manwhore, a whatever, but trust me, I entered whatever I did for a reason. Because it made me happy, because she may have been the one that I actually woke up to in the morning and been like "shit. lifes good." or maybe it was the best mate that calls you at 2am in the morning and will be like "thank you, you remind me of all the little shit the everyone fails to." That's what I've been made of, composed of, been apart of for a year.

But flashback a year, and you wouldn't think whatever happened, would happen, and I guess you could be an optimist and say that whatever happened in the past made you the better person you are today, but we all know that can be bullshit. Just to make yourself feel better, I reckon. Shit happens in life; and instead of telling yourself, "its ok thats life" I'd rather accept that I was wrong and foolish to have done something so stupid or so .. whatever it was.

*Haha, I've backspaced countless times on this blog, something which I originally intended not to do.*

Part of my personality means that I mingle well, but I know I'll get boring after a month. Like seriously, give me thirty days and I swear whatever relationship you and I have will be doomed by the end of it. There are only people who have entered my life and been able to stand me for over 3 year or so years, so yeah.

I hate that, I feel like I'm hosting my own narrative, or play, or drama series if you like. Don't tell me I'm staged; because everyone can be an attention seeker, but the shit that gets out about where I went, or what I said, or who I was with, I think that's more so people not minding what should be their own business. Let's face it, i can be flambuoyant? But I'm really not the type who likes to hurt peoples feelings. So I let you win. I let you cut me up inside by letting you be the one who tells me to piss off. I let you be the one who starts to drift away from me first. I wait for you to be the one to break up with me (but if that doesn't go ahead, I should obviously begin the end, as it is wrong to play along with something thats not there.)

What I'm trying to get at is; 365 days later, I'm sitting in this chair. Thinking about all the people who have impacted by life, for better or for worse, and I'm thankful for what I've gained or rekindled, but at the same time, I hope there are some of you out there who enter my life, for keeps? :(

this is what happens when i try and stay awake at 9.30.
i washed my face, brushed my teeth, am talking to dom (which is, according to her, supposed to keep me awake.). now i need flashing lights to make me feel wide awake :) hahaha

anonymous shoutouts.

1. i never really get to tell you that im thankful that you are the bitchy side to me. and thank you for shouting me and thank you for being rich. lol joke, in all seriousness, one of my closest chick friends out, i think the only reason why we can stand each other is because we dislike the same things.

2. if this were to be done in order of who i was thinking of writing to first, then you would be first.. haha but i didn't wanna seem like a retard, because everytime i talk to you i feel like im getting judged. the truth, brah, is that... i feel like i know you . LOL you don't understand how freaky that feels. And you're pretty admirable. heck, you're probably going to read this questioning if i'm writing about you. But yes I am. LOL. and btw, im sorry if i annoy you, and nag and go all "rude."and you think im angry /

3. why are you so complicated? im not even joking. please act like a man. LOL. (thats rich coming from me aye.) i dunno, you're very defensive, and i always start convos. its annoying, but i guess at the end of the day you're the one who listens to my constant whining

4. i think you contracted my obsessive disease . im sorry. lol, ill try find some antibiotics to try and cure you.

5. fuckyou. and for all of you who've decided to take a side, fuck you too. a fight between two doesn't mean a fight between 213980 assholes. just, back off, things are done in private for a reason.

As entertaining as it sounds, I know that a lot of people who read weenerblogs realise how pansy-style we all are. Yes, we all do admit to it.

Do you believe in fate?
My best friend from back asked me if i believed in it. Although my answer and perception has somewhat varied of time; what it ultimately comes down, today the second of November 2010, is yes- yes i do. I believe the children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way.. LOL jk, I'm not Whitney Houston. No but seriously, I believe in stuff that was just meant to happen; even if it was at the expense of something else (opportunity cost.) I believe in time, and fate, and crossing roads again if that's supposed to happen. I believe that even if you're apart from someone you care about tonnes for months, for years, for long periods of time, if you're supposed to be melded together in any way or form, they'll come back, but this time, you just have to learn to give them space. I believe I experience the feeling of uncertainty, the feeling of thinking I'm over it, the feeling of trying to accept what's gone is gone. But if I'm to strike you as someone that doesn't forgive, or who hold grudges- I assure you I don't. Yes, I'm sorry that I may have stolen your best friend, Yes I'm sorry I may have stolen your girlfriend, and according to you recycled her, Yes I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier that I stopped falling for you. But, what I'm not sorry for is making every effort to make it up, by forgiving, by accepting, by letting it all get through my thick head.

Do you believe in second chances?
To some extent. Relationships I guess are always a no. Friendships are forgiving, that's why they're friendships. LOL.

Do you believe in best-friends?
I think the term, like love, and all this teenager bullshit is overrated. Trust me on this guys.

Do you believe in girlfriends?
Oh wow. Look at the time. :)